I want to tell you a story. But I don't know if I can.
It's the story of my life, and it wasn't supposed to be this way.
God put a little girl on the earth, and it's been pretty much downhill from there. 😅 A lot of people have that story, but I'm the only one who can tell mine.
You've caught me in the middle of the darkest chapter (I hope), the one where everything burns to the ground. I've not got much to lose now, so I thought I would just start writing.
This chapter is where the preacher's wife separates from her husband and moves to an apartment with her kids and has to borrow money to buy a car and isn't sure yet how to fully afford rent. She loses her church family, her beloved home, her reputation, most of her friends, her job, her money, her security, and her kids' whole world.
Oh, the drama.
What haven't I lost? My faith in God, which thankfully, is not attached to my faith in people, (even God's people.) My sense of humor, my kids' love, my ability to tear up because clouds are so beautiful.
So not all is lost! But I'm going to just sit here in the ashes for a few minutes and mourn it all. Even if none of it was real, from the begining.
I'm going to come back home to my blog, which has been both my happiest place, and one of the most painful. Did you know I had to stop blogging years ago because I was forced to? I was never allowed to say that obviously, but I never wanted to leave this space. I loved my blog, I loved my readers. Some of you are still hanging out with me on Instagram, which blows my mind every day. (Thank you!)
I have no idea what I'll be blogging about, but I think it's going to be...whatever I want. Because it's been a really, really, really long time since I've been able to do whatever I want.
If you're not down to hang in the ashes, no worries, I understand totally. It's kind of gross here. But if we are patient, we might see a Phoenix rising.
I'll talk to you soon.
I'm so glad you're back. I hate what you've been through, but I'm thankful you can rise above. The world needs Disney. Cheering you on since 2009. Sending so much love.ReplyDelete
Thank you for fighting for yourself and not only standing in the ashes, but inviting us to stand with you!! You can do this and all the other hard things that are coming with your freedom.ReplyDelete
Sending love and strength to you and your babies <3
I’m here for it. And you. ❤️ReplyDelete
Welcome back! ✊ReplyDelete
I love that you are trying things that you live but couldn't do! You are an amazing daughter of God! I'll be here to read your posts and I hope you find your joy again ❤️ReplyDelete
This post broke my heart. You just popped up in my feed... I started following you a million years ago before my own world burned down. It happened, and I recovered, and on some days I am actually grateful for the experience which made me stronger and more confident in myself. (SOME days). You are strong, you will make it to the other side, and there are some glorious times along the way.ReplyDelete
So thankful you are free and so glad you are back! Love and prayers for you.ReplyDelete
I’m glad your are telling your story and are back. Sending strength to you and your kiddos.ReplyDelete
Soo proud of you. Praying you find the most comfort from God in this awful time. Can’t wait to hear more from you again. I’ve missed you, but kept up on insta. 💗ReplyDelete
I'm here again! You're amazing and deserve all the good things in life. I'm so proud that you're fighting for yourself. I'm sure your new path is going to be beautiful! Just like you!ReplyDelete
sending you blessings for empowerment and strength. going to be good to hear from you.ReplyDelete
I’m am so glad to see and hear from you again. I am so sorry that your “church family” failed you. But so glad you are still standing and fighting. Wish I could give you a big hug! Keep standing tall! Can’t wait to see what you come up with next.ReplyDelete
I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and loss. The Phoenix will rise!ReplyDelete
I’m glad you’re back, Disney!ReplyDelete
I don’t really know you or your story, as I read your post this morning I felt proud of you and I wanted to share that with you.ReplyDelete
So glad you're back, Disney!!! You were one of my favourite bloggers and I was crushed to see you stopped posting years ago.ReplyDelete
As for your pain, I ended my abusive relationship a year ago and my kids and I are still hurting. Both you and I will both come through this successfully; just one foot at a time. Stay strong, you've already achieved the most difficult thing - ending an abusive relationship.
hugs and prayers to all that is here!!! you are beautifull and things will work out.ReplyDelete
Your blog was one of my favorites, and I have followed you on Instagram, too. I am so glad you are going to blog again, and I am so thankful that you will be able to speak the truth as you do!ReplyDelete
Thanks for your honesty and authenticity. So sorry for the pain you have been through, but I can’t wait to see what beautiful things the Lord will produce in your life as a result. Go forward secure in the love of a Savior who will never let you down and with the best wishes of those who follow you. ❤️ReplyDelete
I've been enjoying your creativity from the very beginning when you used to upcycle Paige's old clothes. I'm wishing you the very best, and will be reading the blog.ReplyDelete
Hugs and prayers. <3ReplyDelete
You are strong, Disney, and have many people who love and support you, including me. I have and will continue to pray for you.ReplyDelete
I have my struggles, too, mostly my physical health. But I ran across a Bible verse recently that has helped me. I hope it will help you as well.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
I love you all and hope you will contact me whenever you would like to.
I haven't talked to the kids in a long while, but I'm glad you have them with you. They will also be a great support for you as you are to them.
I'm so sorry you have been through this. Congratulations on having the strength to get out. I know how hard it is. Chances are you'll be fighting this battle for a while longer yet, but it gets a bit better with every passing day. I've found support with my family and with some DV Facebook groups. I hope you have good people around you now. Best wishes and I look forward to reading your blog xReplyDelete
Hooray!! I’m thrilled you’re back! I’ve always loved your blog and your sunshiny bright spirit.ReplyDelete
I’m so sorry you’ve been abused and controlled. Praying for you.
Here’s to a bright future and new beginnings❤️❤️
Sending thoughts of peace for the next stage of your journey. You are stronger than you know.ReplyDelete
Oh wow I was honestly just thinking about you the other day, wondering how you are going. I'm so sorry to hear that your world has fallen apart, but I do absolutely believe that the phoenix will rise and we will be here with you every step of the way. You are a fighter and you are loved more that you know ❤ReplyDelete
So glad you are back! So glad you are remaking your life into what you deserve. Rooting for you so hard!ReplyDelete
You will rise, 'cause Jesus. Loved you since the beginning in those good ole days of blogging when I was more of a youngin' than I am now. You will rise, & I'm standing up & applauding & cheering for you sweet sister, & praising our great God.ReplyDelete
Disney when your name popped up in my blog reader I squealed because it's been sooooo long. I read your post with such a heavy heart on your behalf. You will RISE. You are not alone. It will suck for awhile and you know that because you know grief but you also know beauty in the grief and I'm sure you will find it. All the love to you. God is good. So are you. Hugs.ReplyDelete
I am an ex pastor's wife too, and I can sympathize with all the extra losses that come from a church marriage breakup. It can be a whole toxic web of job, friends, work, and community that you lose - not just the marriage. And I definitely walked through that struggle of separating faith in God from that community. I can add my voice to the others who say they have come through - stronger, healthier, and LOVED - and you will too.ReplyDelete
And we will be here reading you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ReplyDelete
Welcome back. Sending you lots of love.ReplyDelete
I am so glad to see you here again! I'm sorry you are having to go through this pain. But I am proud of you for being strong enough to leave. <3ReplyDelete
Disney - your post just showed up in my reader and I hoped it wasn't a weird spam bot that had taken over your space. I am sorry for the struggle and the pain, but so glad to see you here again. I look forward to you finding your voice here again - thank you for updating us and bringing us along.ReplyDelete
Dear wonderful Disney, I am so sorry. So sorry to hear of your pain, through the years, and now. I’m so glad you got out too. I left an abusive marriage years ago, and my son’s dad still emotionally abused him through the years. It’s an extremely difficult road, but you’ve done the best thing by getting out. Abuse really does something to you. But, the Lord is always there. You are beautiful and strong. Power to you and sending many prayers.ReplyDelete
You randomly popped in my head last month. So excited to see your post, but sorry to hear what you are going through. Thinking of you on this journey and so glad to hear you have left an unhealthy relationship.ReplyDelete
I started following you back in 2010 and followed you until you posted that you were no longer going to be blogging. I haven't thought much about it until today. I just randomly thought hmmmmm I wonder if that blog is even still there. I was definitely surprised to see new posts, but especially this one. I am sorry you are going through what seems like a pretty rough time, but I am so appreciative of your honesty and for just being real. There isn't a lot of that these days on the internet. I wish you only the best now and that you being to move upwards!!ReplyDelete
Beloved you are always loved, and being in constrain is not from God. Prayers go up as you begin to heal, find the remnant he has promised and begin to love his people again.ReplyDelete
I've landed on your blog today because I remember I pinned some cute photos of my then-tiny daughter when Pinterest was brand new. I went back to my old pins and clicked through and, alas! You're still here. Congratulations. So happy to see you. - JustineReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing.ReplyDelete
Thank you for leaving a toxic relationship.
I don’t know your pain and I know the pain of leaving behind the life you thought you’d live and accepting the life you actually have- hurts and the joys of it.
Prayers for you as you walk this new life that leads to one of healing and wholeness.