The amount of time I spend looking at the notebook in this photo is kind of ridiculous.
No, not looking through it-I don't have a lot of clever ideas or meaningful lists in there yet.
Just the cover. Classic black, with tiny white polka dots and simple gold letters spelling the word "notes"
It makes me happy.
Do you ever have times when you're too overwhelmed by the stressy thoughts so you just have to think about random happy stuff?
Life feels very. very, very odd for me right now. I'm 800 miles outside my usual box, nothing is secure, nothing is safe, nothing is comfortable. It's a stress level that is completely paralyzing. After 12 years, I can no longer say "I'm a preacher's wife". Do you have any idea how strange that is??
So I keep looking at this notebook, because it is beautiful. And I am just so happy when I see it.
I'm not in my home, but I'm happy about the gorgeous leaves all over my new neighborhood. I'm working two jobs and still can't pay all my bills, (I'll get there! 😂) but I'm so happy that I smell like coffee when I get home from work. My mind is not at peace yet, but I'm so joyful that I actually feel that God loves me, even without being sure of myself.
Please don't get me wrong, I feel my pain deeply. I don't always like to show that side of my life, but things have been AWFUL lately guys. I say "lately", but ha! They have been AWFUL for YEARS. I do not exaggerate when I say I have trauma. And I know false positivity can be toxic, so when I post positive things here and on Instagram, I never want you to think that I'm glossing over problems, or lack depth. I just don't want to discourage you with negative things.
I'm trying to sort out my thoughts and it's so confusing and embarrassing, and everything I write feels stupid. But when I am mourning, once in a while I need to pick up a pretty notebook and be overwhelmed with thankfulness for it. The God who collects our tears is giving us gifts all along the way, because he cares about our pain. Wonderful gifts like beautiful children and loving blog readers, and even little gifts like notebooks and sunrises at work.
Life is still beautiful. No matter what.
I love you