August 30, 2017

American (Girl) Dream


The other day, my husband said: "Your blog is pretty much an American Girl blog now." and I was like: "Yeeeaaahhhh..." Haha. I laughed, but actually sometimes I do feel a little embarrassed about how excited I am about dolls. I mean I'm 32, I get it. It's quirky. But I gotta be me, you know? And me loves dolls, I always have.

I write sponsored posts for AG every time they send me a doll, but I wanted to write a little post that wasn't sponsored, so you'd know how I authentically feel. (Which you already do, fyi, authenticity is kind of a thing with me.)

I always loved dolls as a little girl, any kind, every kind, but there was nothing more beautiful and sublimely perfect in my mind than the American Girl dolls. In particular, Samantha Parkington, who was not only the prettiest doll, but had my dream life: A large, elegant victorian mansion, formal dressing, piano lessons, an only child (haha), and endless lessons in manners and ladylike ways. I would have ROCKED that existence. But that $87 price tag back in the 1990's may as well have been $5,000 for my family, and to be honest, we couldn't even afford the books. So I got them from the library and read them over and over, even though I usually wouldn't pick up a book to save my life. I studied the illustrations like priceless works of art in a museum. I memorized Samantha's behavior and elegant ways. And the catalogs, OH those beautiful, glorious catalogs! I could have framed every page. Every product, every detail was utter perfection. I just knew I would never look my best until I was wearing one of Samantha's dresses for girls. The AGONY of not having them was almost too much to bear. Looking back, it must have hurt my mom's heart to hear me pining away knowing she could never get me one. But she never made me stop. She was kind like that.

So to fast forward 20 years or so, it was pretty special when Paige and I went to the Seattle AG store to get our first dolls. Remember that post? It was bittersweet, because we were over there to take our little Curly Fry (a sweet boy we took care of for a year) to meet his new foster parents. Our new dolls made it less strange and painful. A couple of years after that, American Girl started sending me samples of their new dolls as they came out, to review on Ruffles and Stuff. Can you say DREAM COME TRUE?? I seriously...I know it sounds strange, but you just have no idea what it means to me, and how special it is. Not only because, well, gorgeous new dollies, but also, and mostly, because it feels like a special gift, straight from God. I almost don't even think of them as from American Girl. When the box comes, the return address should just say "Heaven". As you all know, my heart has been through a lot of pain in the last few years with the loss of my sister, and my father leaving, & etc., and these dolls, these toys...are so much more than that to me. It's like God brought me flowers to say "I'm sorry, feel better." Does that make sense? During this season of sadness, I've seen so many little (but big) gifts like that from God. And I love it so much, because he knows life has really hard times and it has to be like that, but he comforts us in the ways that are just right for us. And I'm so thankful!

So that's why I post about my dolls. They're special to me. :O)

Love you, dear people!
-Disney

August 27, 2017

Joy Medley

Well.
As you've probably gathered, the jewelry company my mother and I started, Joy Medley, is not happening at the moment. I can't tell you how disappointed and horribly embarrassed I am to tell you that.
The odd thing about blogging, and having your life be public, is sometimes you feel obligated to share details, but out of line doing so at the same time. The short story is: my dad left my mom after 40 years of marriage. He left her just months after my sister's suicide, but it was only recently finalized. There's a lot more pain and confusion and sleepless nights and true, true, heartbreak to it, but that's the gist. And we just...we just...we thought we could do the things, but we can't. At the moment.
So I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be flaky, again. And I'm sorry that you were all so encouraging and supportive for nothing. It might just be the foolish, illogical optimism that I am everlastingly plagued with, but I really think someday we will be able to run the business again. It really was such a joy to us.
For now, we're just being still. And I think that's ok.

Thank you for everything, you kind, kind people. I love you.

-Disney

August 23, 2017

Nanea Mitchell!

(all images above belong to American Girl^^^)

Isn't she so beautiful!!!!! Our latest little package of happiness From American Girl came this morning! Their newest doll is a historical Character, which are our favorite! They are what made me fall in love with American Girl when I was still a little girl-the fun stories and dresses and accessories that reflect life in America at the time of whichever doll you had. So cool. This doll, Nanea Mitchell, is from Hawaii and her year is 1941. Paige and I can't wait to start her book tonight, reading about what life may have been like after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Ever since they announced Nanea, back in spring, I've been counting the days until she was released! I love her new face mold, so pretty! And I mean her outfit. Those shorts! I'm dying, why are dolls so cute.
On a personal note, Nanea bares several resemblances to Ace's birth mom, which I find kind of cool. Maybe I will save her for Ace's daughter one day.
Thanks, American Girl, for giving us such a lovey gift! You make us so happy!!

Love you, friends. :)
-Disney

P.S. This post was compensated by American, Girl, blah blah legal stuff, what am I supposed to say again? Opinions and gushing feelings are all mine. :o)

April 21, 2017

Flowers


Finally starting to use Lightroom for editing, I really like it so far. Major nod of approval to the smart people who designed that program. 

Senior pictures. :O)  
I wish I had all the time in the world for this kind of thing. More time for practice and improvement. Someday maybe. :)

Love you, dear!
-Disney

March 3, 2017

The Right Kind of Dying

Just a bit of fair warning, today's post is a heavy one. I wanted to title it "Killing Myself", but for obvious reasons, I chose not to. But it probably would have been a proper title.
I think if we're honest here, most, if not all of us, have thought about harming ourselves at one point in our lives, if not actually killing ourselves. (If you are right now, please seek professional help, beyond your friends and family.) The first time I had thoughts like these, I was 11 years old. I was overweight. I was made fun of. Being of a rather sensitive nature, it left me longing to just...not be. Looking back, it's one of the experiences I'm most thankful for, as it made me a much kinder and more understanding person, but unfortunately, it wasn't the last time I would want to die. As life went on, for other reasons, there were times when I not only wanted to die, I wanted to give myself a painful death, because I hated myself that much. Life is full of "reasons", and they don't always have to be big reasons to be real ones. Sometimes we want to die because others in our lives have, and we didn't save them. Sometimes it's just because we don't feel appreciated, or accepted, or useful, or free. Right now I'm working with a friend who has about a million reasons to want to die, and she's tried multiple times to bring that about. I can't tell you, after losing my sister to suicide, how TERR. IF. Y. ING. it is to work with someone who's living on the edge of it. (And yes, she's also getting help professionally.)
So why am I bringing all of this up. I had a little personal breakthrough a while back, and I really wanted to share, because it might help someone else reading: I don't really want to die...I want to die...TO myself. I've felt, and thought, that I wanted to die, but it's not what my soul was really craving deep down. I've always known dying TO oneself is a good concept,  I've read this verse about 40,000 times: "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." (Galatians 2:20) but it's only been recently that my soul has caught up with my brain, in agreeing with it. I don't want Disney...I want Christ. It's what my soul has been craving all along, you guys!! I was unhappy, not because my circumstances were all wrong, but because I wasn't living my life like I was meant to: empty! Ha! How's that for an unpopular frame of mind. All my life I've heard things like: "You deserve more", when I needed to hear: "YOU ARE SO BLESSED!" I heard: "You should be treated better" when I needed to hear: "Humble yourself, like God did for you!" I heard: "Your needs aren't being met" when I actually needed to hear: "Focus on doing God's will." Not that having our physical or emotional needs met is bad, obviously, but it's the shift in focus that has brought me from miserable, to literally having to restrain myself from twirling in circles. We were never meant to live for ourselves, and I think that's a huge reason why so many of us are wanting to die.
Some of you might not be quite understanding what I'm saying right now, so I want to be clear, what I am NOT saying is: "If you're depressed, just take a Jesus pill and you'll be happy!" What I am saying is: I *know* something amazing: if you give "your" life over to your Creator, you will find the peace you're looking for, along the way. That's why He's asking you to do it. He knows you, He knows what you need, and He wants you to have peace. We've got to listen to Him!
I am still having ups and downs with this, I don't feel like twirling all the time. And it is HARD to die to yourself, my friends. The concept is easy, the execution is not always.

I would love it if you would ponder these things with an open heart.

Also, Sunday some friends and I are starting 30 days of prayer for my friend that I mentioned above who's having suicidal thoughts, I'd love it if any of you would like to join us! I'm even giving up coffee for the 30 days (oh my goodness, pray for MEEEE) which is purest form of love, right? ;o)

I love you, my darling friends!
-Disney

February 22, 2017

Thankful


Random things I am thankful for this week:


  • Presidents. Without them, I would not have had the day off on Monday. (And also, the running the country thing is a very nice thing for them to do.)
  • My bed.
  • Sticky tac. I use it all the time. What if it didn't exist?? Life would be so hard. 
  • My crappy car. You guys, our car is awful.  The paint is all coming off, the inside is literally falling apart everywhere. It's a tiny 2-door, so it's hard to get the kids out of, and if you bring two books and a lunchbox, there's no room for your feet. But! It takes us to all the places, and we don't have to walk! I'm so thankful for that!! It even has a heater so we don't get cold. Thank you, God. 
  • Larabars. Because when you can't eat cookies, and you want to trick yourself into thinking you are eating them. I'm glad someone makes them and packages them, so I don't have to!
  • Ace's nap time. ;o)
  • You

Love you :o),
Disney

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