April 17, 2010

Amish Enemy Bread: A Recipe

Those who know me best would say that, well....I'm not much of a cook.
Luckily I married a man who loves canned chili and instant mashed potatoes!
So, shamefully, the last three times I've received those Amish Friendship Bread starters, they went straight in the trash. (I know! Waste!)

Well this time was different. I've been trying to work harder and try new things, so I decided to actually bake the bread! Mine turned out slightly different than usual, so I thought I'd share my altered version of the recipe with you........



Amish Enemy Bread:
(Or: how to waste an evening of toddler-free time, and $30 of groceries)

*Do not use metal spoon or bowl
*Do not refrigerate

  • Days 1-5: Mush the bag --check! (I'm on a roll!)
  • Day 6: Add 1.5 times the flour, sugar, and milk that you were supposed to--check! (FAIL! No prob, I'll just add less of the rest later! Still smiling!)
  • Day 7: Awake in the morning to find your toddler has spilled half the bag of fermented ingredients onto the counter (FAIL! ) Scoop the batter back into the bag with a spatula....the counter was clean anyway.
  • Days 8-9: Mush the bag--check! (Never give up! Never, never, never.....)
  • Day 10: Set aside 4 new "starter bags" of batter to share with friends.--check!
Add the rest of ingredients:
  • Realize that you're out of milk and replace it with the unbelievably expensive rice milk that your allergic-to-eveything daughter drinks, although she won't be able to eat the bread.
  • Realize that you're out of sugar, and replace with brown sugar (half-fail, because brown sugar is really never a bad thing.)
  • Realize that you're out of baking soda, and replace it with baking powder, because, after all, they start with the same word. (FAIL, FAIL, FAIL!!)
  • Take note that while the Amish apparently don't use metal bowls, they do use instant pudding in their bread.
  • Realize, at last, that you've measured out the starter bags incorrectly. Which means that your batter that you just added everything to was the wrong amount. Laugh out of pure disbelief, and put your bread in the oven out of curiosity to see what happens.... :o)

Plop down at the computer, turn on some Owl City, and type up your first recipe blog post!
(Realize as you're typing it out, that there was a whole extra section of the recipe that you completely missed!! Fantastic!)

Hope you (don't) try it! :o)
Next time I want sweet bread, I'm buyin' a doughnut.









56 comments:

  1. Complicated directions are so not for creative people!

    But if you want to give it a try, here's an easy dessert:

    http://beyondamom.blogspot.com/2010/02/no-oven-no-problem.html

    You can even get creative with substitutions- no graham crackers, use rice krispies. Although, I don't know what you'd substitute for peanut butter, if Paige is allergic to it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. did it at least taste ok?
    just curious....

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's funny! I've made that bread once, and only once. Too much work! Way to try it though!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm laughing so hard at the caption on your picture. Sorry it didn't work out. Better luck next time. :) (or with an easier, yummier recipe)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha ha. You are so cute Disney. I don't like Amish Friendship bread anyway either. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think you should go back to mushing the bag.

    I hate it when people give me this stuff. I just throw it in the trash straightaway! (took me a long time and great amounts of guilt to do that)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Real friends give you bread that's already baked!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can so relate. Cooking is not my forte'. I think it's because I'd rather be sewing or hula hooping with my kids.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hahaha. Were you brave enough to taste it?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hilarious post! :) and I'm with Morgan! xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree with Morgan, really should they not just bake a loaf for you when they are making their own?

    ReplyDelete
  13. hilarious! i am really bad at paying attention to recipe directions. if a recipe has pretty ingredients and fun things to do it can capture my attention and i make a decent cook. i like that in crafts if you screw up a tutorial's step by step you can just make your own thing and it normally ends up even better but in baking this does not apply:( here is my post about a super simple idea for a cute dessert - it is screw up proof:)

    http://lovelybud.typepad.com/lovely-bud/2010/04/an-easter-dessert-story-inspired-by-iheartfaces.html

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think Amish friendship bread is of the devil. It multiplies exponentially and soon everyone in your circle of friends runs screaming when they see you pull a nasty ziploc of goo from your diaper bag. When you have small children who has time to babysit dough?

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'll say it. I love Amish friendship bread.

    And I don't give away "starters" because I know it's a PITB. I make more bread and keep one. lol

    ReplyDelete
  16. My theory is that anyone who is actually my friend should know I do not want Amish "friendship" bread. So no guilt throwing it away. :)
    Beyond the babysitting it for days... I can't help but think about how many people have touched it...Did they ALL wash their hands...and how many of their kids got into it after picking their noses. :) gross thought, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  17. You crack me up! This is a really funny post. You may not bake but you can sure craft!

    Enjoy your Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ahaha this post was amszing! I'm not a good cook either and seriously, this is how most of my cooking forays go so thanks for making me feel so much better.

    Oh and I find Owl City works out better for cleaning than cooking for me, however The Saltwater Room is generally good for all occasions. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sounds alot like my first experience with Amish bread went and mine turned out wonderful still. I got the second round right, but I think I like my goofed up version better. In case you forget to give away your extra bags, through them in the freezer and pull out whenever you want to start the process again yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh my goodness, that was the best blog post. You had me in tears I was laughing so hard. I don't even try that stuff. I politely say thank you if someone gives me some and then I promptly throw it in the trash. Who has the time to deal with that stuff?! I even shared your post with my Mom because I knew she would get a good laugh too. Thanks for making my morning a little brighter!

    ReplyDelete
  21. i did almost the same thing, too! i replaced milk with water, baking soda with baking powder, confectionery sugar instead of regular white sugar and bisquick instead of flour. baking fail for banana bread.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh no what a disaster! I always manage to miss one step of a recipe...at University by friends got used to my "wrong cakes" as they never rose! :D

    ReplyDelete
  23. lol i haven't made this in ages I think I gained weight just reading about it ha. You deserve at award op look at that I have one for you on my blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ha! This post made me laugh out loud. I always just refuse that started bread mush. Better luck next time!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I love Friendship bread, but that must be why I can't sew a stitch!

    And the title Enemy Bread made me laugh out loud!

    Have a great Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
  26. This just made my day a little brighter because it sounds just like something I would do, or have done... :) Isn't it great that we can just laugh at our silly selves sometimes. I am so glad that you have this whole blog of inspiration! Thanks for being you!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I've tried it! I failed too!! My dad on the other hand LOVES to make food and this for him was a blast. I think at one point my parents had 3 breads made, all with different pudding and such, and 4 starter bags.

    It was good bread, my daughter loved it.

    Good luck next time. Dont give up cause it comes out great!

    ReplyDelete
  28. oh my goodness, you are hilarious! how cute. Mama needs to learn how to bake! ;p hope it tasted okay anyway!?

    ReplyDelete
  29. That's such a shame, because this bread is sooo yummy! I was doing it for a while, but didn't have enough friends to give baggies to and ending up having to make more and more bread until I quit. Jami

    ReplyDelete
  30. Can't tell you how similar to me this post sounded! I would have given up halfway in though! Way to stick it out, even if it was the Bad News Bears of bread stories ;)

    ReplyDelete
  31. 1st my son is allergic to EVERYTHING as well, we should swap recipes sometime:) our fridge is always stocked with rice milk, but I wish it wasn't so expensive!

    2nd-I had to laugh through your story, because I have received the bread starters several times & I always toss them. I started to try it once & buy day 4 I was disgusted that it had been sitting on my counter. There was no way it could end up tasting good! So i tossed it!

    BUT...I've tried the finished product that OTHERS have made & it is good, I just don't understand the process!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Yah, its definately not worth all that effort. My favorite things to make are ones that aren't eaten or gone in 60 seconds.
    However, I am sure that I speak for all of us when I say... "WHEW, we were starting to think you were practically perfect in every way" Thanks so much for highlighting my watchband tutorial. I hope a lot of others will find it helpful and fun.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Don't feel bad, I've thrown at least 3 of those mush bags away! One of them I had actually intended to make into bread but then forgot about it for a couple of weeks! Ooooops.

    ReplyDelete
  34. So funny! If any of that stuff ever shows up in my house again it will go straight into the trash. My daughter doesn't require as much attention as that bread. I think "Enemy Bread" is a much more appropriate name. I wouldn't dare give it to anyone I considered a friend! :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Too funny! I hate to say it, but I'm relieved to hear that you aren't an expert at everything. And hey, doughnuts are delicious anyway! :0) Have a great day and thanks for sharing this post!

    ReplyDelete
  36. This has got to be the best recipe blogpost ever! I love it! I twittered it!
    Thanks Disney!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Did you get up the courage to try a piece? :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. My sister has been obsessed with that bread and she sent me home a loaf. It was amazing. Then last week she gave me some starter. I made it but forgot to add the oil, and couldn't really remember what "day" I was on anyways. Needless to say, after it came out of the oven, it went straight into the trash. Fail. Also, sadness, because I really did like the one she made.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Wow! This made me laugh. :) Sometimes things just go like that, don't they? My family did the frienship bread thing for a while, but we got tired of giving it constant attention. We did find out though, that the batter can be frozen(!) and it can be mixed with other ingredients to make GREAT pancakes.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hahaha...and this is why we are friends!! :) I do this kind of stuff all the time! Although, my family was quite impressed when I made a pear cobbler last week. ;) And I have to admit, when I read the title I thought "Oh, I've never heard of that, I've only heard of friendship bread...I wonder if it's a recipe I could do!" Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My kid is allergic to eggs and seafood. Man! It's hard to bring him out to eat. He can't even walk into a bakery, that's how bad it is.

    I wonder how they deal with allergies in the old days. I kinda wonder how Japanese kids with seafood allergies cope as well? And then I read that up to 30% of Italian kids are allergic to gluten, so do they deal with eating pizza and spaghetti?

    Poor kids!

    ReplyDelete
  42. this post really makes me laugh. keep trying though! maybe you should start with something simpler. baking is difficult :D

    ReplyDelete
  43. i just peed a little... that was too funny!
    ~selina

    ReplyDelete
  44. ha! This is the most hilarious post ever. Mostly because I was reminded of the time when I "tried" making friendship bread. I got as far as mushing the bag twice, decided it stunk so bad that I would never want to eat what it turned into, no matter how good it supposedly tasted, and threw it in the trash. Props to you for at least putting forth some effort. You've got me beat by a mile!

    ReplyDelete
  45. awww... so sad! I LOVE this stuff. My kids get to mush the bag (always better in a bag and not in a bowl!!!). They love when we get the starter bags!

    ReplyDelete
  46. LOL - loved this post!!! Made me laugh out loud! I have avoided the friendship bread mix offers repeatedly! Too much work! And, like you, my luck would be the same as yours! A donut sounds good about now!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Lol-ed at this post. You're absolutely right. It IS enemy bread. My one and only experience with this stuff was when someone managed to foist it upon me and then kept checking my pantry to see how things were "going" (??!!) Also, they forgot to give me the instructions until Day 3 or something.

    I ended up with alcoholic bread. I am not kidding. Something went wacky in the fermentation process that not even baking could burn off. Needless to say, the kids wouldn't touch it--thank God--so I sliced each heavy little loaf and froze it. A month later, it made the best bread pudding you've ever tasted.

    People asked for the recipe. My husband asked what kind of bread it was. "Amish friendship bread" I replied. Their eyes all widened. Someone said, "I didn't know the Amish drank."

    ReplyDelete
  48. i just discovered your blog and love it... thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  49. hahahahahaha(breath)hahahahahahahaha(breath)hahahahahahahha...that's all I can say....hahahahha

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hahaha, this was hilarious! I don't think I've ever actually tried to make the ones I have received. Takes WAY too long!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Hi I came upon your blog because I follow Made adamantly. Your recipe post was cracking me up the whole time I read it. Looking forward to following your blog in the future!

    ReplyDelete
  52. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh lord this made me LOL something fierce. You are adorable!!! That bread sounds gross anyway ;)

    ReplyDelete
  53. Wahahaha this made me laugh! I refuse to even accept a starter for that bread cause it's WAY too high maintenance for me. Kudos to you for even trying! 10 days for one loaf of bread? No thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  54. no worries when i made mine everything went according to plan but...i couldn't get it out of the pan for the life of me. Also i had made the mistake of telling everyone in the office i was bring some for breakfast. So they all got crumbled but good tasting bread!! maybe ill have better luck next time.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for leaving a comment! I just love finding them! Comments on older posts are moderated, so if your comment doesn't show up right away, it will soon! :o)

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...