April 22, 2010

(un)Happy Mother's Day?

I have been loving being a part of the "Celebrating MOM" event with Dana so far! I think it's going to be difficult to go back to normal when it's over. :o)

But today I wanted to give attention to something else: the absence of motherhood.
Amidst all these wonderful thoughts and memories of those who love us most, I can't help but think of those who can't share our joy. I'm thinking of two groups of women, really....

The first being the women who's mothers have passed on. Who, at this time of year, can only recall memories of joys shared in the past, and things they used to love to do with mom, and give to mom. Whether your mother died at your birth, or when she was 85, I can only imagine that it leaves a huge hole in your heart, and your life. And my heart goes out to you.

The other group of women I'm thinking of, are those who want to be mothers, but can't.
I know that there is a terribly large number of women who are not able to become pregnant, or when they do-their babies never make it into the world. And this holiday must be a painful reminder of what seemingly cannot be. That brings tears of pain instead of tears of joy.

So today I want to celebrate you; who can't call your mom to say "Happy Mother's Day!" this year. Who have no reason to buy flowers, or send a card. I'm so sorry for your loss.
And you; who have tried over and over to hear the word "mommy" said to you, and only receive heartbreak instead. Because I know that sometimes it takes the same strength to be a mom, as it does to not be.

So, if this is you: celebrate Mother's Day! Celebrate the things that you and mom used to do together, and the wonderful things she taught you. And celebrate the characteristics of Motherhood. Kindness, patience (...and more...and more patience!), selflessness, hard work, and love. And celebrate the fact that you can always be those things-with or without children.

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." ~Oprah Winfrey



And please enjoy one of these, from me to you :o)

Happy Mother's Day.









(See what Dana's doing!)

57 comments:

  1. Thank you Disney for this post. Although I have 1 wonderful mom and a 2nd mom as my mother in law, mother's day is extremely hard for me. More so as years go by. My husband and I have been married 9 years and sadly have lost 3 children who never saw the light of day, but because the Lord never has a plan B, we are adopting and praying for that child God has prepared for us. Even though I know he will bless us, mother's day is hard so this post makes me smile and is special. I may not be a mother quite yet but I am an aunt and have a desire to teach my niece about Jesus and I just adore her. I follow your blog and crafting is what i love to do. Thanks for inspring us with your creations and your heartfelt words that encourage.
    creationsbyladeeda.blogspot.com
    I am a new craft blogger.
    Blessing to you!

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  2. what a sweet, thoughtful, heartfelt post. i am blessed to have a wonderful mom, a great mother-in-law and even a grandma still plus 5 (with one more on the way) amazing kiddos. i know i am way, way more blessed than most and appreciate the reminder.
    thanks,
    shana

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  3. Thank you for your warm wishes and (((Disney)))) hugs back to you

    Kari

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  4. what a beautiful post, I am in the process of writing something similar because this is what i have been thinking about this year too. i thankfully have 2 healthy little boys but i lost my 3rd son during birth 6 months ago and i am now aware how hard Mother's day must be for so many! thank you for posting this!

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  5. Sweet post. My mother passed away 2 years ago this Mother's Day. I keep waiting for it to get easier. I will spend this Mother's Day celebrating the joy that Mom brought to our lives-we'll play her favorite games, eat favorite foods and even listen to her old CDs.
    Thanks for noticing - amazing how often folks just want to have their pain ackowledged.
    Take care

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  6. I'm more of a lurker than a commenter, but really, Disney, this is beautiful. You are right, no matter how blessed your life can be (and mine is very, very blessed) there is never a mother's day that passes without feeling that loss again. Thank you for your big kind heart and wonderful words. I know there is someone out there that really truly needed to hear them today.

    Jade

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  7. Thank you for you post. I did my battle with infertility for years and Mother's day was the worst day of the year as far as I was concerned. I now have three amazing children, but I am always mindful of those women who are where I was just a few years ago.

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  8. You have a kind heart Disney. This is a well written and beautiful post (:

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  9. Time passes and my life has moved on in wonderful ways. But I still miss my mom. Thank you for this. It means so much.

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  11. Thank you sooo much Disney! I am 34 and am one of these that can't be mothers and God knows how "abnormal" today's society often makes us feel. My husband and I have now started a procedure to be allowed to adopt and, so far, nothing proves we may. It is very very hard and feels so unfair. So, really, MERCI for this very thoughtful post!

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  12. its so good of you to remember these special people. i thank God i still have my mum and 2 healthy children, but would like to say a silent prayer with all of you for these friends of ours. am sure we all know someone who has lost a mother, child or who is trying to get pregnant.
    May the Lord always keep them cradled in His arms.
    becky

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  13. And the women who are dying to be mothers but aren't married yet...

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  14. thank you so much for this post. i am a member of the last group. my husband and i have been struggling for 7 years to conceive a biological child. we do have one adopted daughter and she is my JOY. but i do know the pain of having something be so hard for you that the world says is so easy and sometimes even happens my accident. anyway, thanks so speaking up for us.

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  15. What a sweet thoughtful post. My husband and I struggled with infertility for years until God showed us His desires for us and gave us the sweetest most amazing 2girls through adoption. Mother's Day used to be so miserable, and I still remember quite well how much it hurt. I always pray for those women on mother's day knowing how real the pain is. I hope that we can all be as kind as you,. That we would reach out to those around us who are suffering through things - some of which we have never experienced. And I pray for you this mother's day as I remember you mentioning the sweet baby that you too didn't get to meet here on earth.

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  16. Thank you, Disney for especially remembering those who dread Mother's Day. That definitely was me not so long ago. God was gracious to me and blessed me with twins and then a son from China. My cup overfloweth, but I still remember the days when it was full of tears poured out to the Lord.

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  17. Thank you for this post Disney! This is so thoughtful. I dread Mother's day, as I lost my mom 4 1/2 years ago when I was 18. I miss her every day. It's nice knowing that someone (you!) acknowledges that this holiday isn't easy for everyone. I love your blog and your creative ideas!

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  18. Mothers Day has been hard for me most of my adult life. I am one of those gals with both strikes, I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was 30 and I never was able to give birth, (though I have 2 wonderful adopted kids)
    I take the time to thank God for moms, and for the 2 brave teen moms who chose a better life for their kids. I hope I can thank them in person some day...:)

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  19. This is a very thoughtful post! It means a lot to those who have unique situations! Thanks!

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  20. This was such a lovely piece. Thank you. I am now a proud Mommy of a lovely little three year old girl, but only after almost a decade of waiting. There were underlying health issues that the doctors could not figure out, and since they are now diagnosed to be incurable it is very likely I will never be able to have another child. One of the most painful things during all that time were the very thoughtless comments from even perfect strangers saying that shouldn't we already be starting a family having been married for so long. Now people keep asking why we only have a one child. And I try to tell them that we are very blessed to have this one healthy, beautiful daughter who made it all the way. She is the sunshine of our life. :)

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  21. Your heart is so very beautiful.
    Thank you for this post. I cried as I read it.
    I lost my mom to cancer when I was 10 years old and although my kids spoil me on mothers day there is always a part of me that grieves.
    I miss her so very much.

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  22. Thank you SO much for this post. My mom passed away in Sept. 2006. Around mother's day I miss her all the time. And I myself don't have children unfortunately (never married either) iT is HARD. The first year mom was gone I went to my sis in law and gave HER a present. But since she and I lost (most) contact....

    Love and hugs

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  23. THnaks for this post. My mon is alive, my mother in law too, don't have children yet but I think this is the year to get pregnant ☺
    It's really nice of you to think of people who are most of the times left aside of all this celebration.

    Kisses

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  24. Thanks for this post, Disney. I'm blessed right now to not be in either of those groups, but I have dear friends who are, and I really appreciate the reminder to consider their situation. You have a wonderful way with words to express thoughts and feelings. I might copy your post to my own blog (with full credit to you, of course). Thank you again.

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  25. This was a beautiful post. Thanks!

    I also wanted to mention that I featured you on my blog today.
    Visit www.adailypostforyou.blogspot.com

    Lara @ A Daily Post

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  26. Thank you for you kind words and understanding! I have been blessed with four of my own beautiful amazing children, then as an added bonus, I am lucky enough to be stepmom to two more! Unfortunately,I suffered the loss of my mom when I was twenty five. She had always been my best friend,and I still miss her dearly. After her death,I had three miscarriages, (one of which occurred on the mother's day following my mom's death)all through those painful times I desperately wished my mom was with me. Thankfully,I was finally blessed with my two youngest children. I hope and pray that all of the women out there that want to become mom's are blessed like I have been. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!

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  27. What a sweet post. I ususally bypass all Mother's day posts as I lost my mother. For whatever reason I read this and although I cried they were sweet tears as I was thinking happy thoughts of my mother. Thank you!

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  28. Wonderful post. And the quote by Oprah left me speechless. Although I am a Mom, I have friends who are inexperiencing difficulty conceiving and I can't find the words to tell them, exactly what u and Oprah have said.

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  29. Thank you so much! I am one who struggles with infertility. For some reason it is not in God's plan for my husband I to have kids. While I am coming to peace with this, Mother's day can still be something that is painful. Thank you so much for remembering there are those of us who long to be mothers.

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  30. Oh Disney, your words are just so beautiful and thoughtful. I have been blessed with two beautiful children, but I do remember those trying years (over three) when we first were trying to get pregnant. I can relate. I know during that time, words like yours would had made me happy (even if a little).

    To all those women out there who want to be mama's and can't for what ever the reason and for all those missing your mama. Celebrate You!

    Thank you Disney. As sweet as always.

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  31. your post is so touching... I am so lucky to still have my Mom and Step Mom around, and I have two lovely, healthy children. My heart goes out as yours does to those who are not so lucky.

    Your post was really, really awsome, and just felt compelled to comment. You are very much appreciated.

    Jen VG

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  32. Tears in my eyes. Very sweet, and an important message. Thanks.

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  33. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this Disney. You stated it so perfectly.

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  34. Disney, this was beautiful. Thank you for being a great example by thinking of others in different circumstances. I need to be more like you.

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  35. This is an awesome post! There is another group too, those of us that don't know our birth mothers. Like me for example, I know of her and stuff but mothers day is soo hard for me because I never got that mother-daughter bond, I was adopted yes but then I got un-adopted (if thats even a word? I do not know I will have to google later-I'd be lost without google lol) I was abused along with my 3 brothers. & bounced around from foster homes and what not kinda like the new series Life Unexpected minus the finding of the parents. I didn't gain a mother until I married my husband on Aug. 18, 2007. Well, before then really but you know what I mean. &then when I became a mother on April 24th, 2008. 2years on Sat! But it is hard that I can't go to my own mother for advice or help, I had to be my own parent. But I am grateful for the women in my life now that have shown me love an support through me dealing with the lack of a mom. But I am blessed with 2 daughters so I can break the cycle and be the best mom I can be so they don't ever have to feel what I felt/still feel at times. But I do love this post & thanks for the hug! Back atcha! Karin Marie:)

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  36. Beautifully said! It brought me to tears.

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  37. You just made me bawl... I lost mom a month ago. And today has seemed so empty with out her! As others have said, thank you for recognizing us.
    I wouldn't have ever known how to sew, or craft, or have a passion to create with out her.

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  38. I needed this today. Thank you!

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  39. Thank-you for your insight in this post. I lost my Mom when I was 21. For years I have hated Mothers Day. I figured I would take the day back one day when I got to be a Mom myself. Then I got to struggle with infertility, and Mothers Day was a cruel reminder not only of what I lost with my Mom, but also my continued struggles, losses, and fear that I would never be a Mom myself.

    Fast forward to now and I have a gorgeous little girl. Mothers Day can be happy again.

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  40. Disney, this is so beautiful. I have one super gorgeous son, whose coming I announced on Mother's Day five years ago. My husband and i tried for years for him, suffering heartbreak and oh so many negative pregnancy tests. I really regretted Mother's day, and ignored it for many years. thank you so much for your compassion to those that are overlooked this holiday.

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  41. Your true spirit shines through in this post Disney. You are a purely sweet person. Thank you for your wonderful thoughts.

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  42. Thank you for your kind, thoughtful post Disney. While my mother passed away when I was 15, I know she's watching over me and my siblings. And now I have a wonderful mother in law, and a beautiful step mother, and even though I still miss my mom, I'm blessed to have so many amazing women in my life.

    Happy Mothers Day!

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  43. I am blessed in that I have two phenominal children, and my Mother is still with us (very much so). But your post brought tears to my eyes, just when I wasn't expecting it. How lovely of you to think of this. Bless you xxx

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  44. Thank you so much for posting this. Mother's Day is always bittersweet for me. Bitter because I struggled with infertility and loss for years (I had two early miscarriages, and lost my beautiful son who died shortly after birth). Sweet, because after years of heartache, my DH and I were so blessed to finally have a living child. While Mother's Day is now more sweet than bitter for me, I can't tell you how much it means to have others acknowledge that, in the midst of celebration, there are others for whom the day is a painful reminder of what the so desperately want, or of what they have lost. Many hugs to those mamas who hold their babies in their dreams and hearts, but not their arms on this day.

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  45. Thank you. In the fifteen years since my mother died, nobody has ever acknowledged that Mother's Day is heartbreakingly sad for some of us. This year I don't feel so alone. xxx

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  46. Thank you for this incredibly sweet post and remembering those who struggle with this holiday! You are a wonderful person!

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  47. What a thoughtful post. For too many Mother's Day is a sad day. My mom included. She lost her mom several years ago and is still grieving the loss. Thank you for this post.

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  48. Well if this isn't the sweetest post ever. I have to admit, being a member of both groups (ugh!) I have been scrolling past mother's day posts. Glad I read this one. :)

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  49. Thanks, I lost my "Mutty" (German) when I was 22... now I'm 41 and mamma myself of Carola, 10 months old. Also lost a baby before her at 13 weeks pregnancy... well, this year I'm glad again to celebrate mother's day.. and being mom myself makes me understand the love I've received from my mom and the pain she suffered knowing she was sick and going to die (I was 10 when she first had cancer). Thank God, I'll meet her again one day..
    hug you too.
    kitzel

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  50. Just wanted to say what an amazing person you are... this post is near and dear to my heart! Mothers Day used to be a VERY hard day for me, this post brings back a lot of memories of what we went through... and what many women are going through!! Your really such a blessing!!

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  51. Disney, thank you for this. It was just what I needed and I didn't even realize it. Thanks again!

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  52. Thank you for this post, it really meant a lot to me. Me and my husband have been trying to have a baby but no luck.It's definitely a emotional roller coaster. Thank you for the hugs.

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  53. Oh,Disney, thank you for thinking of us. It's always been so clear that you were a sweetheart, but the fact that you thought of those without children just says it all. At 55, I'm still heartbroken over not having children, although I love my six godchildren and all my other nieces and nephews so much. Joining Catholic Mothers Online gave me a great deal of comfort, because it welcomes not just mothers, but godmothers and "those women who are mothers at heart," and it also asks "isn't every woman a mother at heart?"

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  54. Thanks for thinking of those who find the day a little more difficult to deal with. Your post really touched me.

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  55. This is an old post, and I don't think you blog anymore, but I just wanted to say that this brought tears to my eyes. It's not often that people acknowledge on Mothers Day that there are others out there who don't have their Mum here anymore. I lost my Mum 3 years ago when I was 16. On Mother's Day, I just remember her... Luckily I have my Nan here and I can spoil her :-)

    Thanks again, Taylor xx

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