In the morning it will be Valentine's Day. But in my heart it's "six months since my sister killed herself" day. Love has been on my mind a lot since August 14th.
I don't have all the words. Very few of them, actually. But on national love day, I wanted to say what I told the crowd at my sister's funeral: if you love someone, please tell them. Over and over and over and over and over again. Then prove it.
The bible describes love this way:
"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
Love never fails."
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
An old teacher of mine once told me to read those verses, replacing the word "love" with my name, to see if I was really loving people. A very humbling exercise. :O) But it has stuck in my mind all these years.
My sister was not a physically affectionate person, and not very mushy-lovey-dovey, so I didn't really tell her how much I loved her because I thought it would make her uncomfortable. I assumed she knew. But now I see that she needed to hear it more than anyone. You know, she wasn't mentally ill. There were no drugs, no alcohol, no strange medications. Nothing like that. But she wasn't loved by many of the people who were supposed to love her...most of all herself, perhaps.
Anyway. This day will never be about chocolate and flowers to me anymore. I don't think of that when I hear the word "love". I think about compassion and sacrifice and getting your hands dirty to show people their worth. I think about how it's no wonder that the bible says "God is love".
Happy Love Day. :O)
I love you,
Have a lovely day Disney & Paige :)ReplyDelete
Sending big hugs and lots of love across the seas, Disney!ReplyDelete
Lots of love for you and your family !ReplyDelete
I love this post. Several years ago I had someone tell me something similar and from then on Valentine's Day has become another reminder to tell the people that I love that I love them. Thank you!ReplyDelete
Disney, thank you for this wonderful and honest post, and thank you for sharing about replacing "love" with my name. A few weeks ago, my pastor asked us if we were really loving people, which was something I had been wondering about anyway. I'm working on loving people through my actions, (through "compassion and sacrifice and getting your hands dirty," which you put wonderfully) and I appreciate the encouragement and reminder that your post offers. I love you.ReplyDelete
So good. Thank you.ReplyDelete
Feel exactly the same and thought of my former bestfriend felt so sad. If only I had reached out sooner. If only there weren't cruel people in the world. People who give the most care and affection are sometimes treated the worst, because empaths attract both attention good and the bad.ReplyDelete
So beautifully said. A much-needed reminder. (Long-time reader, but first time commenting!)ReplyDelete
preach, so true.ReplyDelete
She knew. She mentioned you a lot. I think the pain just got too much, and she forgot. She knows it now and forever. I love YOU, Dis. Never forget that. Never forget to love your self.... I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of what you have endured, to become the child of God that you are. It will all be worth it. I'm always here for you.ReplyDelete
You are a very special person.ReplyDelete
my husband's brother killed himself when he was 18. he tells me he loves me all the time. I think this is why.ReplyDelete
Someone can know you love them and still feel that the pain of life is too much to deal with. I have read your blog for a long time and I have no doubt that you make your love known, even if you don't say it in words. Love, love completely, love truly, love loudly, love everyone, love yourself first.ReplyDelete
Praying that you will be blessed each day in the way you need. Looking forward to your exciting projects in the future.ReplyDelete
you are such a lovely and loving person. Please don't think that you have failed to show your affection towards your sister. She surely wouldn't have wanted you to feel guilty in any way.
Sometimes we just can't reach people. There I totally agree with your Mom and littlemissw. We are not perfect; nobody is. And we can't always protect our loved ones from any harm.
As far as we can tell from your postings, you are doing so well in showing your love to others. Keep going!
So sorry to hear this. I don't think there is anything you could have done. Your sister probably didn't want anyone to know how unhappy she was, so she hid it. That's just a guess. One of my family members, not as close as a sibling, killed themselves several years ago and I don't think anybody had a clue that anything was seriously wrong.ReplyDelete
For what it's worth, I am very grateful for your marvellously clear advice on threading the lower bobbin. Suddenly, something which had seemed so complicated became wonderfully clear.
Agree with all your other readers. We lost our son-in-law last August, too. Left our daughter and two sons, but there is no one to blame.... Hang in there. xoxoReplyDelete