I know. It's crazy. I also thought Alaska was an island until I was 17, so it's not that surprising. When my husband was in preaching school we were required to do some counseling and take temperament analysis tests, and it pretty much blew my little mind. I have always been a pretty introspective person, but no matter how much I tried to figure myself out, I just seemed like one giant paradox. It left me feeling half crazy, and a little like an alien. My temperament test said that I am a sanguine-melancholy-supine. Sanguine and melancholy, not surprisingly, are very opposite temperaments, and I tested compulsive in both areas. Lucky me. :) In the Myers Briggs personality test, that translates into an ENFP. ENFPs are Extraverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceivers. We're basically unicorns, and everyone thinks we're bipolar, but really we just feel all the things and have killer intuition. And let me tell you, being an intuitive feeler is no walk in the park. It's like going through a lifelong gauntlet of other people's emotions and intentions.
But actually, this post isn't really about me. It's about you. And, my sister.
After Nissa died, I developed a full blown obsession with knowing what her personality type was, and what she needed and what I should have said and done for her. I spent hours upon hours studying different types and comparing them with everything she ever did or said. I always came back to the same one: she was an INFJ. INFJs are the unicorns of the unicorn world. They are the rarest of all personality types (about 1% of population) and are the most fascinating and misunderstood people out there. They're introverts that people sometimes confuse as extroverts, have almost psychic intuition, are very deep feeling and compassionate, and have a great desire to fix people and the world. As confused as I was about myself growing up, I was always a little more confused by my sister. There was something...different about her. Something I couldn't name. It was like I could feel her *specialness* but I couldn't verbalize it to anyone. And oh, I desperately wanted to, because from as early as I can remember, people called her weird. Over and over again they treated her like an outsider and took her for granted because of that little nameless something. And the funny thing is, the STUPID thing is, I thought it didn't bother her much. I thought she "wasn't very emotional". I could not have been more wrong. And in the end, I took her for granted, just like everyone else did.
The reason I wanted to write about this, is because...if you feel weird, or like an alien, or misunderstood...I just want you to know that you're actually so perfect. I mean, in your weirdness. Your uniqueness is exactly how you're meant to be. And it is wonderful. And we really need you. I love learning about temperaments and personality types, because it reminds me of how we're all made in God's image. INFJs can read people, like how God knows everyone's hearts. ESTJs, like Paige, are authoritative, like the Author of Life. ISFPs are artistic, like the Painter of the heavens. And we don't need four letters to understand that we're all different and special, but we do need to know that we're made the way we are on purpose, and we need each other to balance out, and to develop into more well-rounded individuals. And yes, it hurts and feels so lonely to be misunderstood by everyone, but don't give up and kill yourself, because you'll miss out on what that lonely feeling is supposed to bring you to: a relationship with your Creator. He's the only one who will truly ever 100% "get you".
Oh. Also, if you're not the "weird one", please be nice to those who are. And be nice to the mean one, and the bossy one, and the clueless one, and the selfish one. Chances are, they don't even know that's how they come off. Some people just don't understand feelings very well, they don't mean to be rude. Some people are just forgetful, they don't mean to be inconsiderate. Have mercy on people, you might just save a life.
P.S. You can take the Myers Briggs test here, if you're curious about it. It really helps some people understand themselves better.