The Umpteenth Time

I am starting to feel better. Finally.
I usually bounce back and get over things quickly, but this time I didn't.
Maybe it was the therapeutic spilling of all my guts to the internet. Maybe it's been the change in my health since I stopped eating sweetened foods, began drinking more water, and even am suffering through some green veggies for, like, the first time ever in my life. Or maybe it's just time. But the last couple of months I've felt a little stirring of life like I haven't in years. Of course I've had good times and happy days, and little epiphanies that have helped heal my soul, but this is different.

A couple of weeks ago, Grace Vanderwaal released her single "Clearly", which I love, and part of the chorus says: "I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I accept all the things that I cannot change." That little line just clicked a button in my brain.

My sister committed suicide.
My dad left.
We moved far away from my family.
I didn't fight hard enough for our other foster son.
Some people out there don't like us.

Those things happened. I maybe could have changed it before, or prevented it. But. I can't now. So...ok.
I accept it.
I've learned from it.

How many times in my life have I heard the phrase "accept the things you can't change"??? About 4,000. But then, I heard it one more time, and it clicked. Isn't it funny how that can happen? It's like your heart isn't ready to hear it...until it is! I can't tell you how many things have worked in my life that way.

So, it made me realize, again, just how important it is to speak truths and encouragement. Maybe they won't listen this time. Maybe they won't listen next time. But maybe, the umpteenth time, they will hear you. It will penetrate their heart. It'll be just what they needed to finally make a change. Or to let go. Or to feel themselves again.

On the flip side, it's important to keep HEARING those words that you need to hear. Keep reading the Bible, keep listening to encouraging music. Keep listening to the sermons. It might not magically fix you in one week or one year, but we need to hear those things. They are life changing. But transformation takes time, so don't give up.

And along those lines, I just want to tell you that I love you. You're incredibly valuable. You are capable of wonderful things, with God's help. It's not too late to change. And, try eating some green veggies. 😜

LOVE you!! 😘


  1. You are such a character, Disney! I am just thrilled to read that you are starting to feel better and that the pain is easing. Grief takes time. Thanks for the link to the song. It just might be what a reader needs today to be inspired to just keep going.

    1. Thank you so much, my dear friend. You have been such a constant encouragement to me. 💕

  2. I totally understand the "click"! Hope your soul heals quickly. 😊

  3. Disney, thank you for your encouragement. I've been where you are. 11 years ago, my
    now ex-husband was arrested for crimes in a neighboring state, while he was on crack cocaine. He was sentenced to 8 years in prison, and I lost everything and had to start over at the age of 40 with four kids at home, and no job. For years I carried the burdens of "What if" and "Why." What if I had been aware of his drug addiction? What if I had been a better wife? Why did God allow this to happen to me?

    It all comes down to this: God is in control, and what takes us by surprise doesn't take Him by surprise. There is a reason everything happens. And it's our job as Christians to take our life experiences and use that knowledge to help someone else who may be going through the same struggles we did. And by doing that, we can give God all the glory for what He's done for us.

    I admire you for reaching out to people in the way you do. You keep doing it, Disney! Someone out there needs to hear what you have to say.



    1. Oh Amy...what a lot of pain you've gone through...I really just don't even have any words. I'm so thankful for your understanding of my feelings in these difficulties, but I'm so sorry that you've had to experience that suffering. Thank you for being faithful to God in the midst of it, and giving him glory in the end. I respect and love you so much for it.


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