February 6, 2014

I Had This Big, Emotional Post Prepared...


And I was kind of stressing about how I was going to break the news. Especially since you guys have all been so sweet and just showered me with praise for taking on two foster babies at once and telling me I must have super powers and it must be so hard.

The thing is, it was hard. Like, really hard. And it wasn't that we didn't love baby B who came to us about three months ago, but he was a little bit more high-maintenance than "Ace" (who we've had since he was 8 days old, back in June, if you're new) and the strain of having two infants that are only 5 months apart was really taking a toll on our household. We were all getting pretty cranky and short-tempered and stressed. We had talked a little bit about the fact that in may not be in the family's best interest to have two babies at once...but at the same time we hated the thought of "giving up" on baby B. What if God sent him to us for a reason? What if we were wimping out when the little guy needed us?

One day we had a sort of "last straw" moment and we finally decided to make the call to his social worker to ask them to find another foster home for him. It was extremely hard to make that call, and I felt like I was the most selfish person in the world. After I hung up I was hoping to feel relief, but I didn't really. I'm not sure what I felt. Stoic? We still weren't sure if we were doing the right thing. But it was done. Then I started to think about all the positives about going back to a one-baby household. I was fantasizing about sitting in my regular pew again at church instead of being hidden in the nursery all day every Sunday where I don't get to see anyone (so sad!) And I thought: "Hey! Maybe baby B is going to a foster home that will be much more suitable for him! Yeah! This will be great for him! ...Hopefully." And then I started to feel awfully proud of myself for being such a big girl and saying "no!" to something even when it was hard to.

So then there was the meeting. Whenever a child gets moved in foster care there is a grand meeting with everyone involved in his case, including the birth mom, which made me feel a little nervous. But we went. And we told them everything we were thinking and what we thought baby B's needs were and all the reasons that we, despite our love and concern for him, weren't able to be his caretakers anymore.

And then. Somehow. We ended up telling them that we'd keep him after all.

BAHAHAHA!!!

Aren't we ridiculous?! I could not help myself! They were discussing what would need to be done, and they might have had to move him out of town away from his birth mom because we are so low on foster homes in our county and I just couldn't stand the thought of it. I am pathetic!!! It turns out I'm not such a big girl after all. :O)

So, hey, no emotional post now. And guess what's awesome? After we made the call to his social worker last week, baby B started sleeping through the night. Just like that! Let's pray it lasts. I could get used to this sleep stuff...and the church nursery isn't so bad. In fact, we just painted it and it's kind of nice in there!


Here's to "yes" people and our silly lives. :O)
Have a really, really good day!
Love,
Disney


42 comments:

  1. Mrs. Powless, I admire you SOOOOOOOOOO much. You're always looking on the bright side of things, no matter what the situation, and you do your best to please other people, even if it means making things harder for yourself. You are an amazing strong person, and one of my biggest role models. Keep hanging in there; I know God is watching out for you.You CAN do it!!!!
    You're in my prayers
    <3 Carrie Wilson :)

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    1. Carrie, thank you so much, what a compliment! I think the world of you, too. And your sweet family! :)

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  2. I feel totally exhausted just thinking about caring for two little babies at once, WOW!! Go you, and I hope the world cuts you a little slack until things really smooth out. May Baby B continue to sleep through the night! x

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  3. Whew, what a roller coaster, Disney! A very kind thing you did, and that little guy is going to benefit from it, even for a little while. Eventually he may end up moving on, and that will be fine, too. So great that he decided to sleep through - giving you a tiny break. Best best of luck with it all! p.s. I hope you know that you don't owe your internet audience (even tho we are nice nice people) any explanation for your choices.

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  4. I admire you so much! I don't think I could do what you do for these babies!
    I wish for you that everything goes nice and smooth so that you won't even have to secretly think about giving up one of your babies!

    Xoxo

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  5. This brought tears to my eyes Disney,... Bless you all and I hope Baby continues to sleep through the night. Here's to the power of Love. xoxo

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  6. It is still an emotional post, for your readers, at least. And you know what? I somehow expected how it was going to end and hardly kept myself from scrolling down the page :). There's nothing wrong with your decision if you can't cope - people hire full-time baby sitters even for one baby and you've got three children to take care of! Though, I am sure, Paige is helping :).

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    1. Yes, thank goodness for Paige! She is the best big sister ever. :)

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  7. I'm sure you've done the right thing! I wish you all the strength you need :-)

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  8. Not sure how your county works but do you have respite care options? A weekend may help you recover a little if you feel overwhelmed in the future. It's wonderful you're able to offer him stability and continuity of care. That is such a blessing to foster children's long term success.

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  9. I just love your tender heart, Disney! I see God's tender heart for us in you - thanks for letting Him use you :)

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  10. Keep on Keeping on Disney (pretty cheesy). Follow your heart, its gotten you this far. I just trust that you'll make the best decision. Wish I could come give you a night off!!!

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  11. I can't imagine how you keep it up, but I am praying that baby B continues to sleep through the night. God knows what you can handle. :)

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  12. God bless you and your family. You will make it through and be a stronger family in the long run. I admire what you do for these children and their families who need your love at this time in their lives. Sending you strength!

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  13. Praying for rest for you! And no more calls to take more for a while! I am sure that you are a blessing to both those babies.

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  14. Sometimes we are supposed to let our hearts change our mind. It's a good lesson to learn and to teach. Stubbornness shouldn't be what makes decisions for us. I'm sorry about your lack of sleep. People who get used to having full nights of regular sleep can be so fussy about thinking it's crucial to their happiness. :)

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  15. awww!!! no one has ever said being a foster parent is easy!!!! and that's one reason! you have a desire to help but you are also limited by life!! w space and other kids and there's only one of you. it happens! try to not be so hard on yourself!

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  16. I so admire all the work you are doing! I know the feeling of spending way more time in the nursery than in our pew with the family and it is tough. Add to that the sleep deprivation.. But you are doing a wonderful thing. I will keep your family in my prayers. I hope your transformation into "yes" people can be smooth and rewarding :)

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  17. What a wonderful post - you are truly wonderful people (and I would have said that whichever way your post ended). Continue to be honest with yourselves and continue being courageous and selfless - I will pray that the road smooths out from here on for your family. Bless you for doing something so incredibly important.

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  18. You might check into possible twins groups in your area. I know the babies aren't exactly twins, but they're close enough in age the support of other moms with multiples might be helpful!

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  19. Your heart spoke louder than your brain!! And the reason it has such a loud voice is because you've nurtured it and listened to it and valued it.

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  20. Sending you hugs and prayers that you and your family will have a smoother time with two babies. You are doing an awesome job and I can not imagine the obstacles you face every day. You are doing good work.

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  21. There are lots of good suggestions here, including respite care and a twins group. I really wanted to pop in to tell you about my first baby, Jack. Jack was this super intense high needs baby. I cried all.the.time because he cried so much and I could not figure out what on earth was wrong with this baby. Why couldn't I comfort him? Why couldn't I soothe him? WHY WOULDN'T HE PLEASE JUST STOP THAT CARRYING ON ALL THE TIME?!?! At 9 Jack is still an intense kid. Having gone on to have 2 more kids after who him are not that intense sort of highlights just how hard that really was. I really feel for you, that was draining the life out of me. I would do this 1- make sure you get some kind of time for yourself. 2 - try probiotics in his milk! (this sounds like crazy talk but it turned out that Jack had a lot of gut trouble, using probiotics with the other two was not optional "just in case" it might help, LOL) and 3- make sure he doesn't have reflux. Jack is more than just some gut trouble, he has turned out to be an exceptionally gifted kid who is still overly sensitive and it isn't a cure all. But MAN, every little bit helps, right? P.S. You made the right choice. No one is better suited for that job right now than you.

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    1. Oh my, you are a very strong woman! One great thing about kids is that the sure teach us what we're capable of. Which is always much more than we think (or necessarily want haha!) and that is a beautiful thing. And they're always worth it!

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  22. While I admire what you're doing for those foster babies, I couldn't read this and not feel like what you (almost) did was incredibly selfish. Why on earth would you agree to take on two babies within 5 months of each other? I get that you wanted to help, but sometimes being an adult or 'big girl' means saying no to something you know you cannot handle. How unfair would it be to that poor child, after already enduring so many unfair hands he's been delt, to just be given back because YOU couldn't handle it. That disgusts me. I pray you find the strength to say no before it's too late ever again so that another foster child doesn't have to endure being given back.

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  23. Mmm, yes, you're right, sometimes my inability to say "no" is quite selfish, I don't want to deal with the uncomfortableness and controversy. But most of the time (including this situation) it's just foolish optimism. I knew it would be hard, but I thought it would be like having twins, which other people do all of the time, right? :) anyway, I'm glad it turned out the way it did, for the pumpkin's sake. And it will be good for our family to work things out in these more challenging circumstances. :)

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  24. Don't listen to anonymous. I know that, for privacy reasons, you can't tell us the whole story and even despite how hard I'm sure it is to care for two babies (one of whom is more challenging than the other), hearing the situation he COULD be going into would make me cave too, I'm sure. Every time I read one of your foster care posts, it nearly brings me to tears thinking of the good you're doing in these two boys' lives. I just wish I could come babysit for you to give you a break!! I hope you are allowing friends and family to step in when they offer to help so you and your husband can go to a movie or just get some "alone time." Take care of yourself, mama!!

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  25. Oh Disney, don't worry about those who say you should say no. I am a firm believer that God will not ask us to do things that we cannot handle. And if there is a time that you should say no, He will help you know---and you will feel peace about it. You weren't feeling peace. I can't imagine your situation--and neither can anybody else. I hope that you are able to find someone that you can have watch the babies for you to maybe take Paige someplace, or to do something alone with your husband. You need an unwind. I've started making cards during nap times because they are really really fast, and then I use them to send messages to people that need it! They help me, and then they help others. Find something fast and fun you can do so you don't get more burnt out. :) Or just take a nap. That's what I do sometimes too. :)
    Oh, and I know that you've said Baby B has some health issues---sometimes there are respite programs available through the state that can bring somebody in to help occasionally. I bet because he's through foster care, you could probably have a little pull in getting help---especially if you're such a great family for him and it would be hard to find another one for him. I worked with a family who had adopted a boy through the state with severe special needs. It took them threatening to give him back to get respite care---but it worked, and respite was enough to let the mom cook dinner and take care of a few things! :)
    I look up to you Disney. You are amazing. You are a wonderful example to us!

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  26. I love you! And yes people are the glue that keeps the world going round.

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  27. Sometimes saying no is all it takes to feel better about saying yes. Those sweet boys are lucky to have you. As hard as it is, I'm sure they're better off with you than they would be most anywhere else.

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  28. Oh what a beautiful person you are. Big hugs!

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  29. Oh honey, many hugs.
    While we only have a foster dog, there is a huge impact on the dynamics of the house. (A couple wks ago we adopted our first foster dog, Champ, so we have two dogs in the house right now.)
    I'm exhausted.
    I haven't slept so poorly since our kids were babies! No lie! Champ(nearly 12 y/o) has me up several times a night(many times scratching for me to pet him/comfort him...and he wants to be up at 5AM each morning!)....thank goodness Molly J sleeps through.

    And these are dogs...not babies!!

    It is a wonderful thing you have done for these babies...and a bonus is the beautiful thing you are showing your daughter, love and compassion.

    You will find the strength you need and the balance you need for the whole family.
    You found the strength to make the call and you found the strength to say you will continue to love him in your home.
    Both moves took big girl panties!

    Hugs,
    Kerrie

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  30. I'm so glad you are you Disney. The world could use more people like you. Honestly--it is so completely self-less the way you are helping these kids. Having two babies in the home would be so challenging--most people can only handle one at a time and that's why there aren't more twins and triplets being born as the norm, right? I hope that the baby will feel more comfortable and peaceful and your home can feel like it is--which it is a little heaven on earth:).

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  31. You are amazing. Whether you decided to stop having Baby B in your house or not, you are always amazing. I think you're right, it probably is like having twins...even twins can be wildly different from each other. Choosing what's right for your whole family (Baby B included) is never wrong. Having doubts and changing your mind is not wrong. Feeling angry, sad, frustrated and tired is not wrong (or abnormal). Children bring us many wonderful things and you are doing a wonderful thing for them in return...but that doesn't mean it's not all sunshine and lolly pops. Oh, and at 29 I've come to think that being a 'big girl' is highly, highly, over rated.

    God be with you.

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  32. What a sweet and heartfelt post! I have so enjoyed following you along your journey and so admire your faith and honesty. Also, loved the pink hair! You go girl!

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  33. Hip hip hooray for being a 'yes person'' I am too! And yes, it's stressful sometimes and often we carry a load that most people wouldn't dream of, but our hearts are huge and we're awesome! The world needs more kind selfless people like you.

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  34. Oh I'm totally a yes person and I love the way you've made me look at the whole situation - that I'm thinking with my heart and not my head. It's what I always try to explain to people who tell me I'm being cray cray, but have never been able to articulate that well. I just posted on your pink hair post saying you're gorgeous, but now I'm saying you're gorgeous for totally different reasons ;) Oh, and I don't give any credence to what "anonymous" said, but it seems weird that she'd be slaying you over becoming a foster mom and then having to give a child back. Doesn't that pretty much happen with EVERY foster kid? I mean, it's not meant to be a permanent situation. Just wondering at that logic, or lack of logic.

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    1. Thank you so much! Your compliments really mean a lot to me. :) yes, sadly, foster kids don't usually stay in ine place unless they're eventually adopted, which unfortunately isn't an option with baby B. Maybe anonymous was in foster care herself...many kids are raised in it and it's really heartbreaking.

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  35. So much to catch up on, first of all I do this sometimes too. I think Heavenly Father likes us to be honest about being overwhelmed, to admit we are at our end. Then when we wake up the next day and keep on keeping on, we find He's given us a little extra strength to make it through another day. His grace is sufficient. Big hugs.

    Also your hair is my hero.

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